how can i cut someone out of my life who i can’t seem to let go? i can’t stop talking to him. it drives me nuts. i love him but he’s causing me so much pain. i hate not having control over my feelings. i know he’s bad for me, it’s clear that i have to let it go. i can’t seem to shake it. it’s like carrie says on sex and the city, it’s like i’m addicted to the exquisite pain of an unattainable love. he’ll never be able to give me what i want. i don’t even want to depend on him—i want to be able to depend on him for love and security. i can’t keep going when the conditions change every week. sometimes conditions change within hours. i don’t deserve that inconsistency.
i don’t expect any kind of answer or advice, i’m just putting this out there to vent.